Stop Squirrel Anarchy

I was walking through the park today, and the sight of squirrels scurrying along freely through the forests, brush and grass awakened me to a very uncomfortable truth.  This may seem like a pleasant scene on the surface, but looking deeper into the situation makes an injustice in the human-squirrel relationship glaringly obvious. 

If a representative democracy is the most just, egalitarian system among rational, self-aware humans, then we can certainly provide that service to our bushy tailed brothers.  If we must delegate our collective responsibilities to politicians because they have a higher degree of expertise and altruistic motivation, then why shouldn’t we allow squirrels to do the same with humans?  The difference in reasoning ability is much higher in the relationship between human and squirrel than citizen and public servant.    If it is possible to engineer utopia among squirrels, then it is morally reprehensible to not do that.  If the virtue of democracy lies in self-sacrifice for the common good, then I cannot imagine a nobler pursuit than establishing a civilized government for these poor anarchic creatures.  Besides, in human politics laws usually benefit some individuals and groups more than others.  If we focus our political efforts toward the welfare of squirrels, we can be sure that no individual human directly benefits whatsoever.

It is clear that squirrels live in anarchy, due to the utter absence of public services among squirrel populations.  Tell me, have you ever seen a road for squirrels?  Imagine the innovation and evolution such a technology would inspire in these rodents.  It is entirely possible that they would adapt to their environment by developing cute little squirrel cars.  Facilitating this advancement is the greatest thing that could happen to squirrel and mankind alike. 

We don’t even know how much inequality exists among the squirrel species.  Imagine how many greedy reptilian squirrels are hoarding all the nuts and berries, leaving less fortunate proletariat squirrels to starve in the smallest, dead trees.  The absence of a central body regulating the distribution of resources among squirrels means that the aforementioned situation is a logical certainty.  If humans do not take the necessary steps to end this exploitation and suffering, then we as a species certainly do not have any capacity for empathy. 

Critics of establishing a government among squirrels point out that the species does not have the cognitive skills of reasoning or abstract thinking required to sustain a healthy representative democracy.  This is true, but research towards genetic modifications of squirrels can contribute to improving their cognitive abilities.  For now, brute force will be needed to implement this virtuous system. 

However, exponential increases in the cognitive capacities of squirrels could lead to the species exceeding the mind power of humans.  This may result in a squirrel revolution, and subsequent takeover of human society. 

I, for one, welcome our furry woodland overlords.