Deferring gratification

One of the most important skills a human being can learn is deferral of gratification.  We all understand that certain actions do not feel good in the moment, but can give us benefits and satisfaction in the future.  Going to the gym and lifting weights is not fun during the act of exercising for most people, but the health benefits and stress relief it provides make it beneficial in the long run.  The same goes for eating healthy, going to the dentist etc.  However, deferral of gratification is only positive if gratification is being deferred for a purpose that allows for long-term benefits, fulfillment, and a better life altogether. 

It is too often the case in society that we encourage deferral of gratification in exchange for no long-term benefits whatsoever.  In school, students generally seek higher grades not for their personal satisfaction, but in pursuit of approval from authority figures.  Students know if they receive an “insufficient” grade that their parents in most cases will punish them.  Therefore, children work hard to achieve good grades to avoid punishment, and receive external validation of their self-worth.  This system is a great way to set people up for failure.  When people become adults, there is no external authority to tell them what to do and what not to do (hopefully).  There are no tests, no grades, and no teachers; there are no direct, step-by-step directions to achieving success and happiness.  I know I’m feeling some anxiety about what I will do without the structure and grade-oriented nature of school. 

Religion is another way in which people reject feeling good in the moment for no measurable future benefit.  People go to church, sit through long, boring sermons, and bake in stuffy, hot buildings.  In exchange, they avoid an eternity of hell and instead live in a blissful platonic paradise called heaven after they die.  Unfortunately, none of these things exist.

Ideally, of course, we wouldn’t have to defer gratification at all to achieve happiness and fulfillment.  And there are many ways in which we can do things that feel good in the moment, which also have positive benefits for the future.  Playing sports we enjoy, engaging in great conversations, and reading books are all examples of this.  Therefore, the ultimate goal in society is to reduce our need for deferral of gratification, and find ways to achieve happiness that don’t get in the way of immediate pleasure.  The first step towards achieving this goal is to stop doing the insane things that destroy our pleasure in the moment, and do not contribute, or actively stand in the way of our future pleasure.  After we do this, we can make decisions that will most effectively allow us to pursue happiness in the present and future.