Pain

It is always easier to avoid pain. Our culture gives us innumerable outlets for achieving this: alcohol, drugs, caffeine, junk food, welfare, debt, reality tv.

Turning toward pain reveals a deep well of suffering, avoidance, and neglected parts of our psyche.

I personally can avoid pain for extended periods of time and even feel jubilation, motivation, and purpose for months. A warm, busy summer followed by the triumphant victory of Donald Trump gave me a sense of satisfaction compounded by regular marijuana, alcohol, and caffeine use. Until the high ran out.

Panic

"It's okay to panic" -Stefan Molyneux.

As the pain I have been avoiding comes to the surface, so too does a sense of panic. The panic tells me that I am 23, have little dating experience, and my current trajectory is not going to afford me the resources I need to start a family, or earn the wife of my dreams. Immediate and potentially painful course correction is necessary.

Potential

The panic also tells me that my current career endeavors are not fully aligned with my gifts. I have a great talent for writing, perceptiveness, a sharp intelligence and wit—and my current occupation does not put these gifts to best use. Nor does it address the desperate need in society for entrepreneurship, truth, creativity, and positive role models. I know that I need to build up a business or some kind of outlet that is in line with my strengths and also correspondent to what society desperately needs.

Avoidance

I avoid little things that are outside of my comfort zone. Learning proper car maintenance. Keeping a budget. Learning to freelance on upwork. “I’m not good at that,” is a comfortable lie that I tell myself.

The Path Forward

Enacting systems for taking responsibility. Taking small steps every day toward the person I want to be. Holding myself accountable by sharing this with others.